Dropping Burdens and Building Your Blood Daily: Creating Safety and Rest on Your Own Terms

It has been a few days since I last wrote. A big part of living a cyclical journey is allowing yourself to rest, which is what I did for the last four days. Today, we are going to talk about resting during deconstruction and/ or in the rebuilding phase of deconstruction.

I have been deconstructing for about four years now, and I consider myself at the beginning of the rebuilding phase. Your own timeline might look completely different, and that is entirely okay. You might find yourself entering a rebuilding phase and then realizing you have more to deconstruct, as I have. I use my own journey as an example because navigating this in real time requires grace, patience, and a willingness to start with just one thing at a time. You do not magically learn to live cyclically in a day or a week. It does not happen overnight; you have to build up to it.

What I have come to realize is that a massive part of this phase is making sure I am nurturing myself holistically ( Holistic Pillars: physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual).

What is Building the Blood?

In traditional Southern Black Folk medicine, building the blood refers to the philosophy of restoring vitality, strength, and immunity. Physically, that is traditionally done through seasonal tonic herbs, iron-rich foods, and mandatory periods of deep rest. But that philosophy does not stop at the physical body. We have to apply the same standard of building the blood across all five holistic pillars.

Many people decide to live cyclically because they feel heavily burdened by the life they are currently living. Life feels heavy, restrictions feel suffocating, and work-life balance is practically non-existent. They realize they are exhausted, overextended, and burnt out.

That weight and restriction are often the result of trying to maintain structures and expectations that were never built for our well-being in the first place. That is what we are deconstructing. We are waking up to the reality that our old way of living required constant struggle, endless performance, hypervigilance, and over-functioning. But you cannot fully step into cyclic living while you are still carrying the heavy bundles of those old expectations.

This is why the early phases of deconstruction focus so heavily on stripping away labels, examining our identity, and figuring out what we need to lay down.

Redefining Rest

Another major mindset shift we have to make is unlearning the belief that rest is something that we have to earn.

Our holistic bodies are not meant to carry endless burdens and stress until we completely break down, getting physically sick or mentally unwell before we finally stop. Rest is not a reward given at the edge of collapse. Rest is the act of putting the burdens down entirely and refusing to pick up expectations that were never ours to carry in the first place.

However, we also have to be realistic about daily rest. There are some burdens and responsibilities we put down for a day, but because we cannot release every single life restriction, there are necessary tasks we have to pick back up again.

When rebuilding the blood daily, we are trying to restore what was drained or stop what is still leaking. It is an intimate, sacred contract you make with yourself to feed your physical body, your mind, and your whole self with actual sustenance rather than superficial fixes.

We see lifestyle trends everywhere promising quick fixes, like trying to force a meditation practice that is shared across social media. However, if you're anything like me, sometimes the ADHD brain doesn't allow rigid sitting and binaural beats to quiet your mind. When I tried forcing a strict thirty-day spiritual reset on a specific moon phase or a Monday even, with a list of rigid daily routines, it often fell apart because it did not meet me where I was. Sometimes my routine might look like bed yoga, or mindfulness might be a few deep breaths before I put my feet on the floor. Living cyclically means following your body's actual need rather than checking off a list of wellness rules. It is about learning what wellness practices actually work for you and the phase you are in at that moment (treat it like a science experiment by noting or journaling what works for you).

Sustainable Reciprocity and Your Daily Balance

We also have to break away from the scarcity and martyrdom mindsets. It is okay to expect equal exchange for the energy you put out, and it is mandatory to advocate for your own needs. Safety is defined on your own terms when your give-and-take ratio is balanced. You set the boundary of how much energy leaves your body and how much stays inside to nourish your foundation.

Not everyone is in a position where they can just take a spontaneous mental health day. But what you can do is limit the amount of output to counteract exhaustion within the restrictions you have. Some restrictions cannot disappear overnight. If you know mentally you do not have much to give today, but you still have responsibilities, you adapt.

For me, Tuesdays and Thursdays are my hardest days. One of my children has physical and speech therapy, my other has speech therapy, and I homeschool them on those days because they attend a hybrid microschool. If I wake up on a Tuesday or Thursday feeling completely worn out, I still have to make things work. So I restructure our day. I might give my kids additional independent work, adjust our schedule so they can work more autonomously, or take extra breaks for myself. It is about creatively figuring out how to balance unavoidable expectations with how my body is actually feeling in real time.

Rebuilding after deconstruction is not about achieving a picture-perfect routine or checking off a list of wellness rules. It is about learning how to listen to your internal needs and responding with grace. By dropping the heavy burdens that were never yours to carry, defining safety on your own terms, and committing to the daily practice of building your blood across every pillar of your life, you create a foundation that is truly sustainable. Permit yourself to start small, honor where you are today, and let your self-worth be the anchor of your healing

Here are some ideas on what daily nurturing looks like across all five pillars:

• Physical: rounding your body through nutrient-dense foods, hydration, and physical nourishment. This includes daily teas, coffees, or herbal support such as a daily herbal tonic (Sovereign Womb and Blood Tonic).

• Mental: Protecting your cognitive energy. This looks like setting boundaries against mental clutter, engaging with things that stimulate your mind safely (like listening to an audiobook while doing something tactile), and letting go of perfectionism.

• Emotional: Creating safe spaces to process what you carry. This can look like taking a warm herbal bath, journaling your raw thoughts, playing sound bowls to shift your nervous system, or allowing yourself to cry and release old grief without judgment.

• Social: Managing your relational energy intentionally. Sometimes building the blood socially means connecting with people who truly align with your spirit. Other times, it means taking a social break. If all I can do today is crochet in silence and listen to a story without talking to anyone, that is social preservation.

• Spiritual: Finding meaning, purpose, and connection based on your personal values, beliefs, and ethics. Spiritual wellness is the ability to anchor yourself in your core truth. For those walking a spiritual path, this can look like ancestor veneration, intuitive practices, or whatever spiritual path you have chosen to follow. For agnostics, this often focuses on personal growth, connection with nature, and finding meaning in the world without involving a higher power. For atheists, spiritual wellness centers on finding meaning, purpose, and deep personal connection without religious beliefs.

If you ever feel depleted and do not know what kind of rest you need, taking a resource like the 7 Types of Rest Quiz (developed by Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith) can help you pinpoint where your deficit lies.

Recommended Resources

If you want to explore traditional herbalism, African traditional religions, or deeper frameworks for building the blood and connecting with spirit outside of organized religion, here are a few books I recommend:

• Working the Roots: Over 400 Years of Traditional African American Healing by Michele Elizabeth Lee

• African American Folk Healing by Stephanie Rose Bird

• Tapping the Power Within: A Path to Self-Empowerment for Women by Iyanla Vanzant